Receiving

‘…it is more blessed to give than to receive.’ (Acts 20:35)

These words, attributed to Jesus, are familiar to all of us. They are especially relevant during the holiday season. We are taught that it is the giving that is most important; being selfless and by doing so, enriching our spirit and growing closer to God. Few of us could argue with embracing this ideal. However, receiving is also very important. Not in keeping track of how much we can accumulate or how we can satisfy our very fleeting material desires, but in the very way we receive from others. Just as each of us gains spiritual growth in our own giving, it is very important that we allow others, especially those of limited means, the dignity and joy of participating in the process. This is one of the most important lessons I have learned during my first year in Ghana.

In all humility, giving has always come very easy to me. Growing up in way that my basic needs were always provided for, and having the ability to work gainfully as I entered adulthood, I always felt very blessed in what I had and was not so attached to any of it.  I rarely said no to the idea of giving.

I find my natural predisposition to give allows for spiritual joy within. It makes me happy. It does the same for all of us. And who doesn’t enjoy the inflated ego that comes with others telling us, ‘Wow, you’re such a great guy (or gal)’ as they pat you on the back? This dark side of giving is why it is so important to give quietly and humbly. The ego has a voracious appetite that will never be satisfied once we give in to its infinite desires. It is a monster that will devour us.

Over the years, I found that I was much more uncomfortable receiving than giving. Of course, I always appreciated when another person took the time and effort to give to me of themselves.  It is no great surprise to me that I have ended up in a place like Ghana, where so much giving is needed. However, accepting the gifts of others is a very foundational cultural norm here. Indeed, it is insulting to not participate in this way.

Coming from such a wealthy country like America and coupled with my predisposition to give, accepting from people of observably much less means can be difficult. For instance, in this culture a person passing by another or a group that is eating is always invited to join. They are very group oriented and much more inclined to share than what I see in our own culture. When offered food, my knee-jerk reaction is to think that I have plenty at home and more money in my pocket than the person offering; that they need it more than I do.

Recently, I provided a ride to a single, pregnant mother of very limited means and her son. She asked that we stop and pick up a small snack at a roadside stand. She bought three. It was late, and knowing I was going home to my well-stocked kitchen, I politely declined when offered one, figuring she and her son needed it more than I did. My reasoning was very well-intentioned. As I thought about it the next day, it struck me that I was denying her the pleasure of giving by not receiving. Not letting her thank me. When I spoke to her about it and apologized, I found that she was a bit angry about it. She had good reason. Just because we have more does not give us the right to diminish the dignity of another, no matter how well-intentioned. It is a participation, not a competition. I’m quite sure I have done this same thing many times in my life without realizing it.

So, I have learned to receive from others graciously no matter who they are or how they appear. I have learned to participate in a more equitable manner; to not always strive to be the hero; to share the responsibility of being my brother’s keeper with others without judgement.

Is it truly better to give than to receive? Like most things in life, there are no absolutes. The ground we stand upon is always changing and so should we. By all means continue to give to those in need. You will see them all around you, unless you refuse to open your eyes. Enjoy your giving quietly. It is good for your soul. But also receive with the same generosity of spirit and an open heart as when you give and remember that all of us are called equally to participate in this spiritually nourishing process.      

Artwork by 8-year-old neighbor