‘…it
is more blessed to give than to receive.’ (Acts 20:35)
These
words, attributed to Jesus, are familiar to all of us. They are especially
relevant during the holiday season. We are taught that it is the giving that is
most important; being selfless and by doing so, enriching our spirit and
growing closer to God. Few of us could argue with embracing this ideal.
However, receiving is also very important. Not in keeping track of how much we
can accumulate or how we can satisfy our very fleeting material desires, but in
the very way we receive from others. Just as each of us gains spiritual growth
in our own giving, it is very important that we allow others, especially those
of limited means, the dignity and joy of participating in the process. This is
one of the most important lessons I have learned during my first year in Ghana.
In
all humility, giving has always come very easy to me. Growing up in way that my
basic needs were always provided for, and having the ability to work gainfully
as I entered adulthood, I always felt very blessed in what I had and was not so
attached to any of it. I rarely said no
to the idea of giving.
I
find my natural predisposition to give allows for spiritual joy within. It
makes me happy. It does the same for all of us. And who doesn’t enjoy the
inflated ego that comes with others telling us, ‘Wow, you’re such a great guy
(or gal)’ as they pat you on the back? This dark side of giving is why it is so
important to give quietly and humbly. The ego has a voracious appetite that
will never be satisfied once we give in to its infinite desires. It is a
monster that will devour us.
Over
the years, I found that I was much more uncomfortable receiving than giving. Of
course, I always appreciated when another person took the time and effort to
give to me of themselves. It is no great
surprise to me that I have ended up in a place like Ghana, where so much giving
is needed. However, accepting the gifts of others is a very foundational
cultural norm here. Indeed, it is insulting to not participate in this way.
Coming
from such a wealthy country like America and coupled with my predisposition to
give, accepting from people of observably much less means can be difficult. For
instance, in this culture a person passing by another or a group that is eating
is always invited to join. They are very group oriented and much more inclined
to share than what I see in our own culture. When offered food, my knee-jerk
reaction is to think that I have plenty at home and more money in my pocket
than the person offering; that they need it more than I do.
Recently,
I provided a ride to a single, pregnant mother of very limited means and her
son. She asked that we stop and pick up a small snack at a roadside stand. She
bought three. It was late, and knowing I was going home to my well-stocked
kitchen, I politely declined when offered one, figuring she and her son needed
it more than I did. My reasoning was very well-intentioned. As I thought about
it the next day, it struck me that I was denying her the pleasure of giving by
not receiving. Not letting her thank me. When I spoke to her about it and
apologized, I found that she was a bit angry about it. She had good reason.
Just because we have more does not give us the right to diminish the dignity of
another, no matter how well-intentioned. It is a participation, not a
competition. I’m quite sure I have done this same thing many times in my life
without realizing it.
So,
I have learned to receive from others graciously no matter who they are or how
they appear. I have learned to participate in a more equitable manner; to not
always strive to be the hero; to share the responsibility of being my brother’s
keeper with others without judgement.
Is it truly better to give than to receive? Like most things in life, there are no absolutes. The ground we stand upon is always changing and so should we. By all means continue to give to those in need. You will see them all around you, unless you refuse to open your eyes. Enjoy your giving quietly. It is good for your soul. But also receive with the same generosity of spirit and an open heart as when you give and remember that all of us are called equally to participate in this spiritually nourishing process.
Artwork by 8-year-old neighbor
